who are you?

patti and i went to beato tonight. as usual, the food and service were exceptional. patti had never been there, and as a regular, i felt some sense of responsibility for her having a good time. i needn't have worried, as ericka, lola and brandon took great care of us, despite some minor staffing drama.

i've lately become obsessed with the notion of alternate realities...not in the x-files sense, but in the sense that we all have alter-ego potential. surely there are ten other people you could be. when i was in NY last week with kristin we delved into this. if one of the people you could be is a heroin addict, then all you have to do is choose one of the other nine. so i've started asking people who their 9 alter egos are.

my nine in no certain order:

1) psychologist
2) nightclub/cabaret singer
3) AP English teacher
4) shepherd/cheese maker (get some sheep, goats and donkeys because i can and move to scotland or the zeal and make cheese)
5) move to se asia or s. america and fuck off...just disappear
6) writer
7) stand-up comedian...i really am hilarious. someday someone should recognize...
8) wood or metal worker. i'd love to make art nouveaux garden gates or something
9) i had to look this up in my journal because i forgot it. which, really, is funny - it's the most obvious - bourgie lady...perfect nails, personal trainer, easy living...apartments in paris, NY and wherever the fuck else i want them. perhaps i forgot it because, despite the fact that it's the easiest to fantasize about, it's also the least realistic.

as we were leaving the restaurant last night, patti brought up the wizard of oz. she said she sees herself as the cowardly lion, and she wishes she was extraordinary. i can't imagine anyone braver than patti. she got married and had a kid at 40, she's jumped from planes, moved cities alone, and left home at 16. the irony about the characters in the wizard or oz, the lesson in the film, of course, is that the lion is the bravest, the scarecrow the one with the most intellectual vision, the tin man is the most empathetic, and dorothy had all the beauty she ever wanted right there in kansas. i think i'm a bit dorothy. i'm forever wondering what i'm missing out there, wherever there is, and the truth is that i have everything i could ever want right here. wherever here is...