tc two-fer!

i was out last wednesday night and never found the re-broadcasts of tc. it was a very "real housewives" week on bravo. so last night i had myself a double shot of tc.

the last challenge in NY determined which of the remaining 5 would make it to the final four in new orleans. wylie dufresne came in to judge the quick fire. since wylie is known for being one of the US pioneers of molecular gastronomy, that had to play into the challenge. additionally, the contestants had to frame their dishes around eggs. most of them did cool looking stuff...but, imo, the finn's custard with mango puree looked the coolest and the tastiest. the custard mimicked an egg white (though, cleverly, it contained yolks), and the suspended puree within (which had egg whites in it) oozed like a yolk once broken. btw - he didn't call that a panna cotta, did he? he better not have... carla did a green eggs and ham inspired dish, which won. she was the only contestant to do just one thing, and it was clear that her focus paid off.

the elimination was very impressive - prepare the "last meal" request for 5 famous chefs. the knife draw (which determined who cooked for whom) seemed staged...fabio drew lydia bastianich (an italian) the finn drew marcus sammuelson (a swede) hosea drew susan ungaro (he wants to be famous - she makes people famous) carla drew jacques pepin (she's a classic french cook - he's french) and leah drew wylie dufresne. i missed most of what she said, but i got the sense that she thinks their styles are compatible. whatever - leah had to get someone. i suppose.

the last meal requests were all very classic, and the chefs were left to figure out whether or not they should put their own spin on things, or whether they should keep the meal classic. and i wrestled with this too. every time they get a challenge, they're told to show the judges who they are as chefs. but, if it's really your last meal - do you really want your palette or your assumptions challenged? do you want to be wowed? or do you want to be comforted? i think chefs - for sure - want to be comforted.

leah made eggs benedict, hosea had scampi and tomatoes provencal, fabio had roast chicken & potatoes with a green salad, the finn had roasted salmon and spinach, and carla had squab and peas. somehow, fabio broke his finger in the kitchen. it was a little peculiar that they never really explained how or what happened, but he can always be relied upon for some great quotes. when asked if he wanted to go to the hospital, he said of his finger, "i'll chop it off and sear it on the flat top so it doesn't hurt anymore and then tomorrow i'll deal with having 9 fingers." and then he said something about boots in his ass and his need to extract them that, frankly, i did not want to understand then, and still don't. just before judges table, tom came into the kitchen and said - "lot of important people out here - don't fuck this up and make me look bad." thanks, tom! way to inspire.

the guests all sat on one side of the table - a kind of amusing homage to the last supper... first up was leah, who (foreshadowing) thinned her hollandaise just before service. judges agree - thin hollandaise, eggs maybe a little underdone. i wrote "c+ effort" next was the finn - who way overcooked the salmon. he added a dill sauce and said something about spinach 2 ways (creamed and sauteed) but the judges seemed confused. finn very cocky - as usual - but it was clear he was in the bottom. hosea next - i thought his plate looked very banquet-y. judges liked it, but thought it traded looks for flavor a little. fabio (who hacked that poor chicken up with a cleaver) despite his injury, cooked a great roast chicken. classic, well-seasoned, etc. judges loved it. carla was last, and while there was a little disagreement about the doneness of the squab, everyone loved the peas, and jacques - perhaps the most adorable man alive said, "zee peez are absolutely scrumptious. i could die happy wiz zat." holy shit. and i started to wonder if i could call carla the dark horse of the competition without irony. i decided i could not, but also decided i was ok with the irony. so fabio wins, and despite the fact that the finn's dish was probably the worst, leah gets the axe, because, let's face it - she was the weakest chef. and i hate her. and she's whiny and annoying. and no one is sorry to see her go. in fact, you can see hosea is relieved, even though he says some nonsense about "having someone else to win for." he sucks.

the finale...(part one)

so the chefs all head to NOLA, for the finale. they meet at the airport. carla looks awesome - her hair is straight and fierce. the same can not be said for fabio, who has ill-advisedly gone 1989 billy ray cyrus without the tail. guys, if you have curly hair, you may *not* faux hawk. the finn looks curiously bloated and hosea looks as dumb as thick as ever. the chefs head to some outdoor place for the quick fire, and i turn to rob and say, now they'll bring back eliminated contestants somehow. sure enough - the quick fire pits 3 eliminated contestants against each other to see who will join the top 4 for the elimination challenge, which will knock them down to 3. (math is confusing - but it will all become clear soon enough.) the 3 competitors are jeff, tats (!!) and leah. hosea is clearly dismayed to see leah, (as am i) and i've got to confess - i have a glimmer of hope that my day one prediction would be resurrected. i wrote, "if jamie is back - I AM A GENIUS!" but alas, emeril did not get my memo, and picks chase-alike to go back into the fray. the chefs then go to delmonico's for dinner whereupon i have a revelation.

seated next to one another are hosea and the finn. they look alike (esp. now that the finn has expanded). they are dressed alike, and they are equally annoying, but in different ways. they all like a fish dish, and hosea is quick to claim that it's very regional. the finn dismisses him, and says it's very classically french. (cut to shot of hosea clenching his jaw) i decide that the finn represents the old world, and hosea the new world. the finn is arrogance, and hosea is lack of confidence (clumsily and beefily masked with bravado). i wrote, "i am irked that hosea is so annoying, he makes me root for the finn. i hate the finn!" whatever - it was 10:30.

so for the elimination challenge, the chefs are cooking at delmonico's. fabio points out that, "[emeril] has all kinds of tools...ovens, stoves..." fabio is amazing. the chefs are cooking for a masquerade ball and have to make 2 dishes (one creole) and a cocktail. if jeff doesn't win - he's out for sure along with one other. if he does win - 2 of the others are out. there is much discussion (bordering on red herring-ing) about roux. once again, hosea and the finn are pitted against one another. chests are puffed, units are measured and compared...etc. etc...the finn is laissez-faire about the whole thing...much attention is paid to his frequent smoke breaks, and it just becomes painfully clear that he'll be in the bottom because of his attitude.

so clarla wins, hosea is second, chase-alike is sent back to his medical career and the euros are in the bottom together. and i have another revelation (it's 11:05 at this point, but it's never too late for revelation.) the euros represent 2 distinct factions of the old world. on the one hand - we have the finn (who - btw, was raised in germany) on the other, we have the italian.

fabio represents soul, and the finn represents execution (minor pun intended - he would pull a switch, i have no doubt.) rob and i debated which (soul or execution) was more valuable. we agreed that in music - it's soul, but in cooking - you've got to give the edge to execution. as much of an asshole as the finn has shown himself to be - he's plainly a more consistent chef. and so we bid a fond farewell to fabio, who (no doubt) will get his own show...hopefully it will be called, "empty clamshell of love" and are on to the FINNale. i am hopeful urkel will beat down the testosterone twins, but think i may actually like hosea even less than the dreaded finn.

after next week, i'll actually have to think of something real to write about. suggestions welcome.